locate a sizzle.

yawn. you stretch your legs and open your eyes. its the weekend! what to do?

you might think to yourself, "gee, it'd be nice to stumble upon a sausage sizzle..." LIKE AN ANIMAL!

stumble no longer my brethren.

here is my guide to locating a sausage sizzle, any weekend of the year.

a normal weekend:

this is a kind of 'trial and error' situation. try the following in turn:

- hardware and Big W stores. they often have charity sizzles on the weekends.

- markets. check the weekend paper for a list of markets. there is usually at least one. a craft market or farmers market is a better bet than say, a vintage clothing market. your girlfriend will appreciate the sudden interest in handicrafts.

- local sporting events. you are pretty much guaranteed a sausage all year round.

- school fetes.

- charity and fundraising events. having a sausage in hand makes me feel like being generous.

voting weekend:

some very special voting electorates (including mine) will host a 'mini fair' on the day of voting. if yours doesn't, you should think about moving house.

weekend night:

some pubs are nice enough to fire up the barbie for their patrons. it helps to line the stomach so you can drink more. plus sausages really complement alcohol.

supermild in adelaide is one, and many of the pubs on the gold coast do it in conjunction with a pub crawl. of course, if you're beyond the age of 18 you'll want to avoid the crawl, so just sweet talk the BBQ man. if you are a dude, offer him a beer.

easter/christmas/new years weekends:

special rules apply because the above generally doesn't. it is actually EASIER to find a sausage sizzle on these weekends, and it is usually sans payment from you.

what you need to do is get out your mobile phone, bring up your email address book, or if you still have a physical address book, pull that out from under your sewing basket and the latest edition of TV Guide and put on your bifocals.

thumb through it and find a friend who normally has a big family gathering for such events. find out if they're firing up the barbie. if yes, invite yourself over. if not, repeat the last step.

voila!

in the words of the immortal scarlett o'hara "as God is my witness, i'll never be hungry again!"

nirvana x